


in the nick of time

by niallszayn



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-01 23:06:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12714633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niallszayn/pseuds/niallszayn
Summary: niall has had the same friend group since summer camp 2010. nothing has ever been complicated. so what does he do with this weird malfunction in his brain that must be the cause for his sweaty palms, fluttery stomach and inability to look anywhere else around zayn?





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> all i do is write about these boys pining for each other one way or another...so here we go again. obviously the best time to be writing is while i should be working on my thesis, but i'll update this asap anyway.  
> sort of based a little bit on i can't make you love me/nick of time by bon iver.

Niall’s not sure how things got to this point. The whole night has been weird, stilted kind of. This is exactly what he didn’t want to happen, everything he worked against. No one has said anything, but Niall knows he’s the reason for the awkward atmosphere, has noticed the way the others keep throwing glances his way. Knows well enough he hasn’t spent as much time with them as he used to. And the worst thing is that Zayn hasn’t looked his way even once tonight. He knew he’d ruin it, his stupid heart would get in the way of their friendship, he knew it and it happened anyway.

Niall sits at a crowded table in a small pub, the second pretty crap live act of the night singing Wonderwall in the background, surrounded by his unusually quiet friends, and hates himself.

Then Zayn gets up a little jerkily and Louis is standing next to him so quickly he seems to have expected it. “I’m just gonna…,” he trails off, and Louis gives Niall a long look that he can’t decipher at all before the two of them walk off god knows where. Liam and Harry studiously avoid looking at Niall, which is just _great_. Apparently things are even worse than he thought, and Niall doesn’t understand what’s going on.

And then the crappy band gets off the stage, and Zayn and Louis get on.


	2. chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> brownies are made, changes happen, and niall makes a discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me a few days!! i really don't have a plan for this fic except for the prologue scene, so i'm changing tags and the summary as things happen lol, and i have no idea how long it's gonna end up being. i don't know anything about kids and if you are in any way affiliated with any of the people in this work of fiction please close it right now!!! (i can't believe grimmy asked niall about fanfiction)

“Have you seen Thomas the Tank Engine?” Louis yells from the kitchen, and Niall reluctantly puts his guitar away, knowing Louis is gonna barge in here very soon if he doesn’t come out to help.

“No, I haven’t seen your child’s toy!” he shouts back anyway, before making his way to the living room. Sometimes he can’t believe Louis is the one out of the two of them with a kid, when Niall’s always the one cleaning up after them. It’s part of the reason they live together, they balance each other out. Niall’s OCD only surfaces when he’s anxious, but he’s neat enough to make sure Louis’ mess doesn’t spread too far. He has no control over his friends’ room, but their living area is usually pretty tidy.

Niall finds the little blue train under their sofa within a few minutes, and brings it to Louis, who’s leaning against the kitchen counter, a glass of juice in his hand. Niall raises an eyebrow at him and Louis grins big as he takes the toy from him.

“Thanks, lad,” he says. “Freddie’ll be thrilled.”

“He’s lucky I like him better than his dad,” Niall says. “Or I’d just stop looking for his toys.”

“I know you love me, really. You’re a shit liar.”

“That’s not true!” Niall protests. “I can lie fine.”

“He’s good at that half-truth thing he does,” a voice says from the door a second before Harry saunters into their kitchen. “He gives non-answers better than me.”

“That’s because you literally say nothing in your non-answers,” Niall says. “I like...give them something but keep the really important bits to myself.”

“Who are you lying to, anyway?” Louis asks. “You know the ladies don’t appreciate being lied to. Or the boys, for that matter.”

“Yes, Lou, we’ve heard that before,” Harry says and makes a show of rolling his eyes at Niall. “Anyway, are you busy? We’re bored downstairs.”

Louis lifts the toy in his hand. “Was just gonna go see Freddie.”

“Oh, bring him! I haven’t seen little Tommo in way too long.”

“Maybe,” Louis says. “Depends on how much alcohol you plan to consume in the next hour.”

“It’s not even noon!” Harry cries.

“When has that ever stopped you?”

Niall laughs and claps Louis’ shoulder. “I’m heading downstairs, see you later, Tommo.”

Louis nods at him absently and turns back to Harry, probably ready to list off all the occasions Harry or any of them have had a drink before noon. Niall has slipped on his trainers and left the flat before Louis has gotten past their first year at summer camp almost eight years ago, grinning to himself as he takes the stairs one floor down and walks into Liam, Harry and Zayn’s flat without knocking.

“Morning,” he shouts in the direction of Liam’s singing, presumably the shower. He’s probably already done a workout or something, run a marathon, whatever. To his surprise, Zayn’s curled up on the sofa, cup of tea in his hand, bleary eyed and with ruffled hair.

“Hiya, Zayno,” Niall says, dropping in the spot next to him. “You’re up already? Before noon, and on a Saturday?”

Zayn mumbles something and shifts his weight so he can lean his head against Niall’s shoulder. Niall grins and wriggles his arm out from in between their bodies, wraps it around Zayn’s shoulder so they’re both more comfortable. Zayn hums happily, warm against the length of Niall’s body. The mug in his hand tips dangerously and Niall takes it from him with a fond smile. Sleepy Zayn is probably the most adorable thing he’s ever seen, he thinks as he pushes a hand into the hair at the back of Zayn’s head, massaging lightly the way he knows Zayn likes it.

“Well aren’t you two sweet,” Liam says from behind them, and Zayn tenses for a second before relaxing again under Niall’s fingers.

Niall frowns for a moment before he decides Liam must’ve startled Zayn and turns his head to look at their friend. “Wanna join?”

Liam crosses the space between them to sit down in the huge armchair squeezed in between the sofa and the bookshelf filled with DVDs and games before he asks Niall, “What brings you down here?”

“Harry said you were bored, although I’m starting to think he was just talking about himself.”

Zayn snorts, his breath tickling against Niall’s neck, and Niall grins.

“We’re not complaining, are we, Zayn?” Liam says. “Is Louis coming too?”

“Maybe later, he’s going to see Freddie and might bring him over.”

“Aw, I haven’t seen little Fredster in so long!”

“That’s what I said!” Harry tells Liam, walking in and sitting down on the floor in front of them. “He barely ever brings him over here.”

“I’m sure Briana doesn’t want him picking up our bad habits,” Niall says. “I don’t blame her.”

“You have no bad habits, Ni,” Zayn pipes up from Niall’s shoulder. “Except maybe your nail biting.”

Harry and Liam exchange a weird look before both turning to look at Zayn, and Niall laughs. “What? That’s a blatant lie. I have plenty bad habits.”

“Not as bad as ours or Zayn’s, is what he wants to say,” Liam interrupts, grinning. “Imagine Freddie becoming as messy as Louis, sleeping all day and staying up all night. Or worse, smoking!”

“I’m trying to quit that,” Zayn says, sitting up. Niall’s hand drops from his hair.

“Again?” Harry asks.

“I’m serious this time. I’m helping Lou because it’s not good for kids, and you and Niall always complain as well.”

“Because it’s disgusting and unhealthy!”

“I’m proud of you,” Niall says, smiling at Zayn. “You can do it this time.”

Zayn smiles back, picking on the skin next to his fingernails absently. “Thanks, it’s like my New Year’s resolution.”

“It’s March,” Harry points out helpfully, and Niall narrows his eyes at him.

“Ignore Harry. I believe in you.”

It almost looks as if Zayn is blushing, but Niall can’t get a good look before Zayn lowers his head again, pressing it to his shoulder with a muttered, “thank you.” He’s basically been smoking for as long as Niall’s known him, since that one summer camp back in 2010, occasionally while he was still in school and then more and more during uni. It’s gotta be hard to really stop after that long, Niall knows that. Zayn’s never managed to stick to it for longer than a couple of weeks so far, and Niall genuinely hopes he makes it this time.

He puts his arm back around Zayn and leans back. “So, what’s the plan for today?”

As it turns out, Harry has actually made a plan that involves all of them baking brownies – not the fun kind just in case Freddie is coming over – to eat in front of the TV later. Harry‘s lucky they all indulge him so much.

“Your kitchen is way too small for four people to move around in,” Niall complains after he’s bumped into Liam for the third time. “Besides, what is there to do for more than one person anyway? It’s _brownies_ , for fuck’s sake.”

“Zayn, take care of Niall,” Harry orders. “He’s getting grumpy and I don’t need that kind of negativity in my kitchen.”

Zayn’s made the right decision, he’s been sitting on the kitchen counter since they came in here, only occasionally handing Harry a spoon or volunteering for tastings. He grins at Niall and waves him over, and when he’s close enough he suddenly wraps his legs around the back of Niall’s thighs and pulls him even closer. Niall stumbles a little and braces himself with his hands on the counter next to Zayn. They’re suddenly very close and Zayn breathes out an “oops” that makes Niall laugh as he straightens up. He doesn’t step away, and Zayn keeps his legs loosely wrapped around him. His eyes are a really lovely shade of amber, Niall notices, and his eyelashes are actually pretty ridiculous, and then Niall blinks and snaps out of it.

“You alright?” he asks, and maybe it’s just as much a question to himself. He’s not sure why his face suddenly feels so warm.

“Yeah,” Zayn says, “got you out of the way, didn’t I?”

“Successfully,” Niall nods. The counter is digging into his hips and Zayn is pretty warm everywhere they’re touching, so why can he feel a shiver running down his spine? “Harry should be grateful.”

“I am, very much,” Harry says from where he’s trying to pour the dough into a baking pan. Niall’s almost relieved to have a reason to look away from Zayn.

Later, when they’re spread out in front of the TV with another Marvel movie playing (Niall’s not too into movies in general, but again, really?), he brushes off the way he felt in the kitchen. It must’ve been the tight space and combined heat from four people plus the oven. Nothing else.

~

“Look who’s here!” Louis walks in, a steadying hand pressed against his son’s back, bag with all of Freddie’s necessities slung over his shoulder and looking like a real dad. Sometimes Niall still can’t believe it. The little blond boy still stumbles in that adorable toddler way when he walks, but he shrieks excitedly when he sees them and Harry’s up more quickly than Niall’s ever seen him move to pick Freddie up.

“He loved me more when my hair was still long,” he pouts once he’s finished greeting the baby.

“Harry!” Freddie yells and Harry laughs delightedly, kisses his cheek.

“You still love me, Fredster! You do, don’t you?”

Niall sits up to look at Louis. “‘ve you got him this weekend?”

“Yup. We decided we’d set up a real schedule now that I officially know I’m being taken on by the school, so that he’s with each of us for a week before we switch again. We won’t actually get started until he starts kindergarten, but that’s in three weeks so we figured I could have this weekend already.”

“Exciting,” Zayn says, “so are you gonna set him up in your room?”

“Actually, I was gonna talk to you about this, Niall. Like, are you okay with living with a two year old every two weeks?”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Niall says, and he means it. “I’m obsessed with Freddie, you know that. We could even clear out the storage room, don’t you think it’d be big enough for a bed and some of his toys? It has a decent window and maybe Zayn could paint the walls…?”

Louis looks frozen for a second and then he surges forward, grabs Niall’s face between his hands and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“You’re a saint, lad,” he says, and Niall laughs, startled.

“Why?”

“Because I thought you’d kick me out! Anyway, stop being so annoyingly sweet, I have a reputation to uphold.”

“For whom?” Zayn snorts. “We all know you’re really just a big softie.”

Louis just flips him the bird and stalks over to where Liam and Harry are entertaining his son.

“I’ll paint the walls,” Zayn says, turning to Niall. “If you want me to. We could, like, figure out a theme for him or summat.”

“Yes! It’ll be sick. You’ll have the coolest room ever, Freddie!” The little boy twists in Liam’s lap when he hears his name and probably hurts Liam a little when he gets up, judging by his face, and then the youngest Tomlinson is lifting his arms so Niall will pick him up. Niall gives him a cuddle and grins at Freddie. “We’re gonna be roommates, you and I. Are you excited?”

Niall’s pretty sure he doesn’t understand what’s going on, but Freddie nods and starts giving him little kisses, which, like, melts Niall’s heart. Zayn’s too, if his face is anything to go by.

~

“Right, a zoo, Louis said. Nothing too scary.”

“He likes monkeys,” Niall says. He’s standing in the middle of the former storage room with Zayn, looking at the blank wall. It’s really not that small now that it’s cleared out, it’ll easily fit a bed for Freddie and storage for his toys and some clothes, maybe even enough extra space for him to play in here.

It’s been great going through all the shit they’ve collected in here since they moved in almost five years ago. Old clothes, single shoes, broken umbrellas, flat tires and footballs have been thrown away or donated to charity if acceptable, bags of rubbish carried down the stairs and hours spent looking through memories over pictures, ticket stubs and even a Spain guide from the trip the five of them took in 2013. They kept the photos, and that was it. (“Seriously?” was the only thing Zayn said when he walked in and saw a new picture of them on the wall. It’s Niall and Zayn, Niall bleach blond with crooked teeth, Zayn’s face round and very young, with their arms around each other at summer camp 2010. It’s the first picture they have together.)

“Well, let’s put the white paint first. We can think about what exactly to draw where while it dries,” Zayn suggests and hands Niall a paint roller. He puts on some music and it’s actually not a bad way to spend a Saturday, Niall thinks. Freddie will be officially “moving in” next weekend, and Louis is going a little crazy trying to make everything perfect for his arrival. Their flat is already babyproofed anyway, but Louis is currently on a mission to find the perfect bed to replace the travel cot Freddie used to sleep in when he stayed the night, so he’s asked Niall and Zayn to do the painting.

“Probably good Louis isn’t here,” Zayn says after a while and bumps his shoulder against Niall’s. “Be a bit crowded in here.”

“It’s hard enough already not to paint you accidentally,” Niall agrees, and waves his roller in Zayn’s direction threateningly. “You better watch out.”

“Don’t you dare!”

The white stands out brightly against the dark blue of Zayn’s old shirt when Niall presses his roller against his chest, and Zayn gasps.

“Fuck you,” Zayn says darkly, and then he’s after Niall with his own paint roller, and Niall laughs and tries to flee, but the room is so small Zayn has him cornered in no time, one hand on the wall next to Niall’s head, the other lifting the wet, white roller.

“No,” Niall whines, “I bet it’s cold!”

Zayn grins and steps even closer, bringing the brush down against Niall’s own chest. He hisses because, fuck, it’s cold, and suddenly Zayn steps backwards, coughing.

“Um,” he says. “Got ya.”

“Yeah, fuck,” Niall says. “And it was fucking cold, ya dick.”

“I know!” Zayn cries, but he’s still standing on the other side of the room. “You started it, after all.”

Niall splashes some more paint at him, and Zayn yelps before he crosses his arms, trying to look stern. “Shut it, Horan. We have to get this done for Freddie.”

“Aw, that’s a low blow, bringing up my weakness for that little monkey,” Niall says, and at least it gets Zayn laughing again.

“Let’s make sure the little monkey gets his wall full of monkeys, then.”

~

If Niall’s honest, he thought living with a toddler would be easier. Freddie’s only there every second week, but he’s messy, and loud, and sometimes he’ll be cranky for such a big part of the night that Bressie has to kick Niall under the desk during meetings or recording sessions at work the next day so he won’t fall asleep.

But it’s also really rewarding and actually kind of wonderful. Niall’s the younger child and he only sees Theo three or four times a year, so he’s mostly seen his nephew grow up in pictures, and it turns out that it’s endlessly fascinating and exciting in person. Freddie learns something new literally every day, and Niall’s there for so much of it he feels almost like as proud a dad as Louis.

The other three come over even more now, helping with their household a little but mainly playing with Freddie and causing a mess that Niall ends up clearing. When Freddie spends the week with his mum, Niall catches up on sleep and gets to work on time more regularly but misses him anyway.

It’s not the kind of flatshare he would’ve imagined himself in at 24, but he loves it.

 _Can I come over?_ Zayn texts him one evening a couple of weeks after Freddie moved into his beautifully painted room. _I’m alone and bored_.

Niall texts back telling him to come help babysitting and Zayn is there so quickly he can’t have done more than slip on his shoes and sprint upstairs.

“Someone must’ve missed Freddie,” Niall grins, checking to see if the little boy is still safely seated in front of his cartoons on TV. “Louis’ about to go to his first PTA meeting as a real teacher, and I’m on Freddie Duty.”

“No date?”  Zayn asks, and something about his grin seems off. “Liam and Harry both have one tonight.”

“Nah, not me,” Niall says, and somehow the situation is awkward enough that he’s happy when Louis barges into the hall and interrupts them.

“Oh, good, a second babysitter! Z, you here to help Nialler?”

“Sure,” Zayn shrugs. “Are you nervous, Mr Teacher?”

“Shittin’ bricks,” Louis says, and they all laugh.

“You’ll smash it, mate,” Niall says, squeezing Louis’ shoulder and pulling him into a short hug. “I know you’re a great teacher.”

“I’m better with kids than with their parents though.”

“Nah, they’ll eat you right up,” Zayn promises while Niall nods adamantly. “Just don’t swear too much.”

“Great, thanks,” Louis says sarcastically. “Anyway, I gotta get going. Freddie’s dinner is in the kitchen and you know when to put him in bed, yeah? I’ll just say goodbye quickly and then I’ll leave you to it.”

“He’s really nervous, isn’t he?” Zayn asks once Louis is busy kissing Freddie goodbye in the living room, smiling at Niall a little crookedly. “It’s almost cute.”

“Don’t let him hear that,” Niall laughs. “But I agree.”

Louis comes back to get his shoes and coat, says, “Alright, boys, have fun, don’t spoil my son and don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” and then he’s out the door.

As it turns out, Freddie gets a little hype when his dad is out, and he’s very demanding with his food and toys. By 9 pm, Niall has had to change his t-shirt because he had about half of Freddie’s dinner stuck to it, they’ve both run after Freddie or in search of a specific toy a billion times, and getting Freddie to brush his teeth and settle into his bed has taken both an hour and a considerable amount of energy and mental and physical strength.

“Is it always this hard?” Zayn asks, sounding slightly out of breath as he drops heavily down onto the sofa.

“No,” Niall says, equally exhausted, and sits down next to him. “Most nights he’s an angel.”

“And today of all days…,” Zayn sighs and slumps a little against Niall. “Can we just put on a movie and chill until Louis gets back?”

“Yeah,” Niall mumbles, sinking a little deeper into the cushions. “Yeah, that sounds good…”

~

Niall wakes up to a lock snapping shut, and there’s a heavy warmth on his chest. For a second, he wants to go back to sleep right away, comfortable as he is, but then his brain connects the lock to Louis, Louis to Freddie, Freddie to Zayn and - Zayn to the weight on his chest.

When he opens his eyes, he can see Zayn’s temple in the dim light, his hair that’s tickling Niall’s cheek, his eyelashes that flutter a little bit, brushing the skin under Zayn’s eyes. His breath is fanning Niall’s neck and he’s got an arm thrown across Niall’s belly, their legs tangled on the couch. He’s basically half on top of Niall, and for a crazy moment, Niall is tempted to pretend he’s still asleep, just so he can stay here.

But then Louis walks in and whistles when he sees them, grinning devilishly. “Comfy there, boys?”

“Shh, Zayn’s asleep,” Niall whispers. “Your child tired us out.”

Zayn huffs a breath and Niall looks down to see him waking up, how his eyelids flutter for a second before they open, and the look on his face makes something seize up in Niall’s chest, it’s almost…tender. And then Zayn’s eyes widen and he pushes himself up and out of Niall’s reach at an impressive speed considering it usually takes him at least an hour to wake up.

“Sorry,” he says, “sorry, you should’ve woken me.”

“I was asleep too,” Niall shrugs, sitting up a little and trying to hide the goosebumps breaking out on his arms now that Zayn’s not close anymore. He doesn’t know why this feels so awkward, what that strange feeling in his gut is and what it wants. Why he wishes so desperately Louis wasn’t here.

“What the hell happened while I was gone?” Louis asks, looking at Zayn and sounding weirdly incredulous.

“Freddie was...a little wilder than usual,” Niall replies anyway, can’t stand the way Zayn seems kind of closed off on the other end of the sofa. This isn’t them. So he launches into a recounting of everything that happened from the minute Louis left, ending with them falling asleep on the couch. “I really meant to put on a film.”

“Yeah, I’m really tired,” Zayn says. “I should probably go.”

Niall wants to point out that it’s only 10 pm, but Louis is already nodding. “Yeah, but I’m gonna come with you for a minute if that’s alright. I’m sure Freddie isn’t gonna wake up now, Niall, don’t wait up.”

They’re gone quickly and Niall just sits on the sofa for a minute, feeling lost and a little useless. He feels like he’s missed something essential. Not knowing what else to do, Niall brushes his teeth and gets ready for bed. It’s a weeknight, this is probably actually a smart decision.

Only, when he’s actually in bed, he can’t sleep. He can still kind of feel Zayn’s phantom warmth, his breath against his own skin, and it’s freaking him out a little. What did Louis mean when he asked what had happened while he was gone? What was that weird feeling he got while he watched Zayn wake up?

Actually, he thinks, turning on his side and jamming a hand under his pillow, he’s felt that before. Just last week, when Liam had made Zayn laugh, and Zayn threw his head back and his eyes crinkled and - shit. Niall swallows and squeezes his eyes shut. He thinks of the past few weeks, of every moment he’s felt a little shivery. Every time his heart sped up for no reason. All of them were around Zayn. Has he always been watching Zayn this much? That’s a little creepy, isn’t it?

Everything clicks into place.

Fuck. Apparently Niall has a crush on Zayn, and everybody knows, knew before he figured it out himself. Louis knows, Zayn knows...that’s what the looks meant, that’s why Louis wants to talk to Zayn, that’s why Zayn’s always so quick to get away from him. Shit, he’s making Zayn uncomfortable.

“Bloody hell,” Niall mumbles into his pillow. “Fuck.”

How could everyone have known before him? How long has it been going on for? How is he gonna deal with this? Crap, he just realised he’s crushing on one of his best and oldest friends, and he’s already losing it.

Right, he thinks, the only way to go is acting completely normal and getting the fuck over it. That can’t be too hard, right? They’ve always been best friends, just that. All he has to do is slip back into that category, and firmly put Zayn in there as well. In his head, in his heart, whatever it is that’s causing this temporary mess-up. Easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what would really help me motivate myself to write both my thesis and this? comments make me the happiest :)


	3. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things don't work out quite as planned and a decision is made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took way longer than intended and is also pretty short because things came up (namely a shawn x niall fic i had to write after the amas, my thesis and a trip to visit a friend) but i promise you i'll get this done...eventually

Instead of shoving Zayn back inside the friendship drawer, Niall’s brain has somehow managed to instead open a whole waterfall of thoughts and feelings about Zayn that it’s apparently kept hidden for seven and a half years. Within a week, Niall has relived the entirety of their friendship through his memories, and all it’s done is given him more reasons to crush on Zayn.

And instead of acting normal around Zayn, he’s suddenly finding it hard to be around him at all, while at the same time, he kind of wants to be close all the time. It’s bound to become a problem very quickly.

He’s a little unwilling to call this thing a crush even to himself (not that he’s told anyone else), hoping whatever it is will go away quicker if he acknowledges it as little as possible. Maybe it’s just...a weird temporary imbalance in his brain that’s making him look at Zayn differently than he did before.

“Chief,” Bressie is waving a hand in front of Niall’s face, “you there?”

“Yeah, mate, sorry,” Niall says, shaking his head and trying to focus. He genuinely loves his job, is lucky enough to work with his friend in a small enough studio that he gets plenty of responsibility despite his young age, and he never zones out when it’s important.

“Everything alright?” Bressie asks. “You seem...off.”

Niall shrugs. “Just got a lot on my mind. Sorry, it won’t happen again.”

“Hey, I wasn’t slagging you off, mate. You know you can talk to me if something’s bothering you, yeah?”

“Thanks, head, I know,” Niall says, smiling at his friend. “Maybe later, yeah? Need to figure it out meself first.”

Niall really, really doesn’t want to tell anyone that he can’t stop thinking about Zayn.

~

Louis is usually home before Niall, even on the days he picks Freddie up from daycare on the way. “Perks of being a teacher,” he says smugly almost every time, as if Niall doesn’t know Louis actually kind of lives for his job, regardless of the amount of hours he’s doing. Sometimes he’ll need the evening to prepare a lesson plan, though, or to grade whatever he’s made his students hand in now. Those are the nights when he’ll beg Niall to keep Freddie distracted and away from him for a couple of hours so he can focus. Usually, this just ends with Niall taking Freddie downstairs to see the other lads.

Currently, Zayn is lying on his stomach opposite Freddie, helping him stack the little colourful blocks to build a tower - over and over again, because Freddie clearly has more fun knocking it over than building it. Freddie starts grinning more with every block Zayn hands him, and when he knocks them over he shrieks out a delighted laugh each time. It’s beyond adorable and Niall could probably just sit here and watch them all evening.

“Hey, Niall?” Liam asks, and Niall jumps. Has he been staring too much again? “Do you know what’s going on with Louis and Eleanor?”

“Oh, so you’ve noticed it too?” He’s really glad Liam’s question has nothing to do with him. “He’s been bringing her up more lately, and I’ve caught him texting her pretty regularly. One time I think he was on the phone with her, but I don’t really know anything, he doesn’t talk to me about her.”

“You think they’re gonna get back together?” Zayn asks from the floor without taking his focus off Freddie.

“I don’t know,” Niall shrugs. “Would be kinda nice, wouldn’t it?”

Liam hums. “To be honest, I feel like all this time without her - even though he never says anything - he never really got over her. And if they both want it, I’m happy for them.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Zayn says. “They like, belong together, I think.”

“Zayn, I didn’t know you were such a romantic,” Niall teases, but he agrees. At least he’s never seen anyone work better with Louis.

Zayn blushes down on the floor. “Shut up,” he mumbles, and Freddie excitedly repeats it after him.

That distracts them successfully from the topic and clearly bores Freddie, who doesn’t really care what they think are appropriate expressions for someone his age. He knocks over the latest tower and Zayn sits up.

“Do you want to play with something else, Freddie?” he asks. The little boy shakes his head, a chubby hand rubbing his left eye before he looks up at Zayn with wide eyes, who smiles at him. “Can I pick you up, then?”

Freddie just stretches his arms towards him in reply, and Zayn picks him up to settle him in his lap. Freddie cuddles close, leans his blonde head against Zayn’s chest and closes his eyes.

“Hey,” Niall says, and Zayn takes his eyes off the toddler in his lap to look up at him, “I’ve noticed this a couple of times already, why do you always ask him if he’s okay with whatever you’re about to do?”

“Because I don’t want to do something he doesn’t like,” Zayn explains. “People always do that with children. Freddie’s a person, too, a little one, but a normal person like all of us.”

Niall thinks about that for a bit. “You’re right. I’ve never really thought about it, but it’s kind of rude of us to just drag them places without warning.”

“Think he’s gonna be a great dad one day, our Zayn,” Liam says, “Don’t you think, Niall?”

“Stop it,” Zayn says, sounding annoyed.

“Why? I thought you wanted kids,” Niall says, thinking of the million times he’s seen Zayn coo at babies or reference his future children in one way or another.

Zayn glares at Liam. “No, I do. I just don’t wanna do it on my own, so what’s the point in talking about it now?”

“I don’t see that as a problem,” Niall says. “Someone’s gonna see you’re perfect and you’ll get to start a family with them.” Something stings in his chest at that and he firmly pushes it away.

Zayn shrugs, brushing a hand through Freddie’s soft baby hair. “‘m hardly perfect,” he mumbles. “I guess I’ll just wait and see.”

Niall hopes the smile on his face doesn’t look as fake as it feels when he says, “Well, that’s what we all do, yeah? Hoping to find someone who’ll love us the way we love them.”

Zayn looks at Niall for a long moment, thoughtful.

“Yeah. Mutual feelings would be quite nice, I reckon.”

Niall can physically feel himself blushing scarlet, while his heart sinks heavily at the same time. It’s classy and subtle and really quite nice, Zayn’s way of telling him he doesn’t feel the same. It still hurts like hell, and more than he expected.

Liam clears his throat next to him, and Niall wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole. Why does everyone know?!

His phone buzzes loudly at the right moment, and he wills his blush to go down while he stares at the screen of his phone for too long considering the message is pretty short. _Done. bring my son back?_

“Um,” Niall says, clearing his throat. Bloody hell, he doesn’t need to sound all choked up. “Louis texted, he wants us back upstairs.”

“Oh yeah, sure,” Liam says, looking at Niall with furrowed brows. “See you tomorrow?”

“‘Course,” Niall tries to sound cheerful, then kneels down in front of Zayn, stroking Freddie’s cheek carefully. Even more carefully, he tries not to think about how close he is to Zayn, how good he smells and how little impact being let down had on his...feelings, or whatever.

“Hey, buddy,” he says quietly. “You wanna go home to your daddy?”

Freddie yawns, blinking at Niall and twisting a little in Zayn’s lap.

“Daddy?” he asks.

“Yeah, he’s waiting upstairs. Can I pick you up?” The corner of Zayn’s mouth twitches at that, and for a second Niall smiles back.

Then Freddie tells him yes and clings to Niall’s neck as he tries to stand up with the added weight, steadying himself on Zayn’s shoulder. Stupid grandpa knees.

“Thanks,” he tells Zayn with a small smile, and Zayn nods, smiles back just a little bit.

On the way up, Freddie wakes up again, bouncing in Niall’s arms and babbling on about something he absolutely cannot understand, but Niall nods along and laughs when Freddie does, and it keeps him distracted until it’s Freddie’s bedtime.

Afterwards, though, when it’s just him and Louis on the couch, there’s not much distraction provided. Great British Bakeoff is on, but it’s a rerun of last season so Niall’s seen the episode already. Louis’ watching with one eye, still half focused on a book that’s probably either about teaching or about raising children. Sometimes Niall thinks he’s either dreamed up the old Louis who’s loud and brash and cheeky or this one, the quiet dad Louis. Then Louis will throw a book at him or twist his nipple, and Niall knows he’s still the same – just a little grown up and with a kid who looks up to him.

Niall thinks about asking him about Eleanor, then, but he knows that Louis usually tells him things he thinks are worth talking about, so he should wait. And using his best friend’s relationship as a distraction from his own problems isn’t exactly the nicest thing anyway. Plus, there’s always the danger of Louis wanting to know about Niall’s love life when Niall brings up his, and Louis’ interrogation skills are probably the scariest thing about him. He really doesn’t want to have to admit out loud what everyone already seems to know anyway.

“You alright, lad?” Louis suddenly asks, and Niall jumps a little.

“Um, yeah, fine,” he stutters, “just a bit maudlin today, I guess.”

Louis hums and gives him a long look. “You wanna have a cry or distraction?”

“Distraction,” Niall says without hesitation.

“Well, drinking isn’t an option because we both have work tomorrow,” Louis says, “but if it’ll help, I’ll let you watch Stepbrothers or Anchorman today.”

Niall laughs. Louis’ been refusing to watch either of those films for a couple of years now because they used to be all Niall ever wanted to watch. “I guess that would make me feel better.”

Louis is a really sweet friend when he wants to be.

~

Niall doesn’t even really notice at first, how he pulls away from Zayn. But one night when they’re all together and watching a movie, Niall leans his head against Liam’s shoulder and realises that he usually sits next to Zayn in front of the TV. Not that the other boys don’t give a good cuddle. He just usually cuddles with Zayn.

He also starts very carefully making sure Zayn isn’t the only one home when he goes downstairs, and tries to give him space. The last thing he wants to do is making Zayn uncomfortable by being too affectionate.

It sucks, how aware he suddenly is about every little thing he does or says around Zayn. Their relationship used to be so easy, that was always Niall’s favourite part about his friendship with these four lads. How simple it was, how natural, and how none of them ever questioned how they feel about each other or what’s okay to do and say. Now, Niall questions everything and it makes him awkward and stilted around Zayn.

When they run into each other in the kitchen getting snacks or a drink with none of the others around, Niall finds himself making excuses and fleeing instead of having a chat like he used to. It’s just easier to spend less time around all of them, Niall figures that out pretty quickly. It can’t hurt to put more effort into work and go to the gym, spend more time with his other friends. The LIC are happy, Laura kisses his cheek when he shows up to the second thing they’ve got planned in a week and says, “haven’t seen ya this much in years, you alright?”

“Yeah,” Niall says, and his smile feels only slightly forced. “Just missed my peers, yeah?”

She laughs. “Your “peers”. Well, us Irish just do it best, don’t we?”

If the other boys notice, they don’t mention it to him. If things go as planned, everything will go back to normal soon anyway, Niall will have gotten over his stupid crush and he’ll be able to have an actual conversation with Zayn again. Until then, he’ll keep his distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any and all kudos and comments are welcome and very much appreciated :)


	4. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> problems are ignored, songs are sung, talks are had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me absolutely forever, i'm so sorry!!! i had a lot of stuff going on and then i was too sick to write, and now i've ended up writing 90% of this while slowly getting better? i hope it doesn't suck too much  
> thank you to the people who always, always comment, i love and appreciate you so much <3

It goes well for a few days, even though Niall starts missing his friends way sooner than expected, especially considering he lives with one of them. But he’s out so much or stays at work so long he barely even sees Louis, and it’s not fun, most of it. He loves the LIC and when he hangs out with them, things feel alright, but as soon as they part, everything sort of hits Niall again, and he feels even worse for it.

The others notice, of course they do. Louis confronts him only a few days later, and Niall _knows_ they’ve all talked about it, about him. It’s not just Louis who’s noticed. He’s just glad they’re not doing an intervention with all of them.

It’s too early for anything in Niall’s book, he’s still nursing his first coffee and Louis’ barely done with his breakfast tea, straightening his collar with one hand, cup of tea in the other as he walks into the kitchen. Niall knows right away what’s gonna happen because Louis pauses the tiniest bit when he spots him, and his mouth twists into a determined shape.

“Listen, lad,” Louis says very seriously, sitting down opposite Niall at their dinner table. His blue eyes are piercing. “This won’t do. You can’t just...disappear on us like this.”

Niall bites his lip, trying to look Louis in the eye. It’s not easy, because he does feel pretty guilty. It’s not like any of this is their fault. “Sorry, Lou.”

“Stop apologising and just come back. If you’re uncomfortable around Zayn, that’s gotta stop too, we both know it’s ridiculous and frankly, not something any of us expected from you. The rest of us can act as a bit of a buffer between the two of you until you stop being so bloody awkward but we’re not gonna let you two ruin our friendship, no way.”

“No, that’s not what I want either!” Niall says hurriedly. “I’m sorry, this is all my fault. I’ll try harder to get over it.”

Louis looks at him thoughtfully for a long moment before he nods. “You better.”

After he’s left, Niall thinks that it’s kind of weird how this has been his only conversation about his feelings and it was this short and...kind of brash, actually, even considering it’s morning and they both have to rush off to work. It might not always seem like that, but he’s actually used to more understanding from Louis. It’s not like he meant to go and fall for his best friend.

For a second, Niall considers getting up to follow Louis and tell him that, but changes his mind quickly. He still doesn’t feel like he can put what he feels – the weird, constant longing, the tingling, the ache – into words, not even to himself. He surely won’t be able to do it in front of Louis and his scrutiny.

Over the next couple of days, Niall tries his best to act like nothing’s changed, but it’s hard. He’ll hang out, have a pint, he’ll laugh and chat, but he can’t bring himself to talk to Zayn. They haven’t talked at all since that afternoon with Freddie, when Zayn let Niall down as gently as possible, and every time Niall finds himself looking Zayn’s way anyway, he looks so sad it kind of breaks Niall’s heart all over again. He didn’t mean to do this, build this terrible border between him and Zayn, and worst of all, make Zayn sad.

But he did, and here they are. He broke it, so he’s gonna have to fix it.

And Niall knows that the best way to fix this would be to talk to Zayn, but he just can’t bring himself to approach him. Actually, he still can’t be alone with Zayn and he’s going to great lengths to make sure it doesn’t happen. He’s gonna do it eventually, just...not now.

It’s obvious as hell, though, he can tell by the way the others look at him sometimes. It sucks, the way they seem to be almost angry at him when Niall really hoped they’d be a little more understanding towards the fact that his feelings aren’t something he has immediate control over. He gets it so far that he’s making everything awkward, but he’s trying his best considering they didn’t want to let him keep his distance for a little while either when everyone knows staying away is the best way to get over someone. This anger and Niall’s hurt over it only serve to make things even more awkward than they already are.

So Niall pulls away again, tries to make it less obvious than last time and it works, he’s getting away with spending only one night a week with the four of them, acting as if nothing is wrong. They let him pretend this time around.

They go to their favourite pub one Friday night, but the whole evening is weird, stilted kind of. Niall knows he’s the reason for the awkward atmosphere, has noticed the way the others keep throwing glances his way. Knows well enough he hasn’t spent as much time with them as he used to. And the worst thing is that Zayn hasn’t looked his way even once tonight. Even though he knows better, Niall’s been sneaking looks all night, and Zayn’s never looking back the way he used to. His eyes are fixed on his drink most of the time, or on Louis. Louis barely looks away from Zayn either, a weird look on his face that makes Niall nervous somehow. Every time Louis is this intense, shit is gonna go down at some point, and Niall’s scared it’s gonna involve him this time.

Niall sits at a crowded table in a small pub, the second pretty crap live act of the night singing Wonderwall in the background, surrounded by his unusually quiet friends, and hates himself.

Then Zayn suddenly gets up a little jerkily and Louis is standing next to him so quickly he seems to have expected it. “I’m just gonna…,” he trails off, and Louis gives Niall a long look that he can’t decipher at all before the two of them walk off god knows where. Liam and Harry studiously avoid looking at Niall, which is just _great_. Apparently things are even worse than he thought, and Niall doesn’t understand what’s going on.

And then the crappy band gets off the stage, and Zayn and Louis get on.

Niall throws a bewildered look Harry and Liam’s way but they’re still not looking, which he takes as confirmation that he’s the only one who didn’t know about this, whatever it is.

Louis goes to the microphone, clearing his throat. “Hello everyone,” he says, “until a few weeks back, I knew maybe two and a half songs on piano. I learned another one because my friend Zayn here has something important he wants to say to someone we both care about.”

He looks right at Niall when he says it, and Niall swallows. He has no idea what’s happening.

“Alright,” Louis says into the microphone again. “Here we go, then.”

He sits down at the piano and Zayn takes his place in front of the microphone, not looking up. Niall’s heart clenches at the sight of him, a mixture of nerves and worry and fondness, or something. He knows how nervous Zayn gets when he’s the centre of attention, even when he’s singing, though he’s arguably the best singer Niall’s ever met.

The fact that he’s getting up on stage to sing something to Niall makes his heart race, both from nerves and from pride. He really can’t imagine what Zayn’s gonna sing, but he knows he’d never humiliate Niall on purpose, so hopefully he won’t want to run in a few minutes.

[Louis starts playing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3VjaCy5gck), and it sounds delicate and lovely, and really good. He must’ve practiced at school every day, because Niall’s heard Louis trying to play other songs than the two he can, and it doesn’t sound like this at all. But he doesn’t recognise the song, even when Zayn lifts his head, eyes closed, and opens his mouth to start singing in a clear falsetto voice. “Turn down the lights,” Zayn sings, and Niall shivers involuntarily because the pain in Zayn’s voice feels real and immediate, enough to feel the sting of tears behind his eyes.

Zayn gets to the chorus, and Niall suddenly feels like someone’s thrown a bucket of ice water all over him. “I can’t make you love me, if you don’t,” the lyrics go, and Zayn still hasn’t opened his fucking eyes, doesn’t see the way Niall’s both hot and cold at the same time, how his heart is about to beat right out of his chest.

He can feel Harry and Liam looking at him, but he can’t take his eyes off Zayn, up on that stage with the single spotlight on him. Could it be that he got it really wrong all along?

“I'll close my eyes, no, I won't see, the love you don't feel when you're holding me. Morning will come, and I'll do what's right. Just give me till then to give up this fight. And I will give up this fight…”

“Fuck,” Niall mutters, because this is exactly what he’s been dealing with these past however many weeks. And the way Zayn’s singing this, there’s no doubt so has he. “Oh, Christ.”

Everything makes sense, suddenly, if he looks at it with this new knowledge. Everyone knew about _Zayn’s_ feelings, not Niall’s. And they weren’t angry at him because of his feelings, they were angry because they thought he was avoiding Zayn because of _his_ feelings. Shit.

And then Zayn opens his eyes and looks straight at Niall while he sings the last lines. “I can't make you love me if you don't, if you don't, no you, no you won't…”

Niall feels transfixed, can’t do anything but stare right back at Zayn helplessly while his heart stumbles in his chest and his head is trying to catch up with the fact that his feelings apparently aren’t as one-sided as he thought.

Distantly, he realises Louis stops playing the piano and people around him start applauding, but Niall feels frozen by Zayn’s gaze. Until, that is, Zayn tears his eyes away and hops off the little stage to weave his way through the crowd, shrugging off people’s attempts to congratulate him, and out the door.

“Niall,” a voice says urgently, and Niall refocuses, sees Harry and Liam staring at him and Louis quickly approaching them from the stage.

“Don’t you wanna...say something?” Liam asks.

“You better get outside and tell Zayn you don’t hate him,” Louis says, hard eyes on Niall. “The man just presented his heart to you on a plate and he’s been fucking terrified you hate him for weeks, so you better make it very clear you don’t!”

“I don’t!” Niall blurts. “It’s pretty much the opposite, actually! Fuck, I’m in love with him and I thought you all knew and that’s why everything was awkward!”

“What?!” Liam asks and Harry slams his palms down on the table.

“Explain later, find Zayn first,” he orders, and Niall’s out of his chair immediately.

The pub is crowded and it takes him a little time to get to the exit Zayn slipped through, enough to start worrying about what he’s gonna say and freaking himself out so much he starts breathing too quickly and feels lightheaded by the time he stumbles out the door.

Zayn’s leaning against the brick wall, hands covering his face like he’s hiding behind them. Niall takes a deep breath, trying to calm down, and goes to stand next to Zayn, mirroring his stance except for the hands. He tucks his own under his armpits to keep from fidgeting too much.

“You know how there’s songs you immediately relate to?” he says and Zayn tenses noticeably next to him. He doesn’t lower his hands but he hasn’t told Niall to fuck off yet either, so he keeps going. “I didn’t know that song – you sounded brilliant though, by the way – but I, like, immediately related to it. And you know why that is?  I’m willing to take the blame on this one, because apparently I’m kind of blind or summat, and also shite at this whole “talking about my feelings” thing, but I’ve been kind of going through the same thing for a while now.”

Zayn makes a small noise, almost like a scoff, and Niall looks at him, startled. He’s dropped his hands, but he’s still looking down at his feet where the tip of his one boot is kicking the floor repeatedly.

“What, and you think telling me about that is gonna make me feel better?”

“Uh,” Niall says, and he’s feeling a little bit like he’s losing his footing while wading out into the sea. It’s not a nice feeling. “Was sort of hoping it would, to be honest? Like, it resolves things, or am I getting it wrong again?”

Zayn finally turns so he’s facing Niall, only one shoulder leaning against the wall now. Niall mirrors him again, keeping his hands tucked tight against the urge to rip off the little pieces of skin around his fingernails. This isn’t going how he pictured it in those few minutes of realisation (if that’s what it was, even? What if he just keeps misunderstanding things and making a fool of himself?), and he feels terrible.

“Listen, mate,” Zayn says, and his voice sounds so strained Niall almost doesn’t dare looking him in the eyes. When he does, Zayn’s jaw is clenched and his eyebrows drawn, he doesn’t look happy at all, and yet all Niall wants to do is reach out and smooth out the wrinkles on his forehead. He hasn’t been this close to Zayn in weeks, and it makes his head spin. “I know you might not have liked what I sang in there, and that’s fine, like, I meant what I said. I’m not angry or whatever, I’ll give up this fight, so you can stop being weird around me. Just don’t come out here and tell me about some person you like, that’s just cruel and honestly not you-”

“Wait,” Niall says once he’s found his voice, interrupting Zayn. “Wait, wait, wait. You got this all wrong. I mean, I said it all wrong I guess. I wasn’t talking about some person, I was talking about you, you idiot! I’ve been walking around fucking pining for you all this time, and I thought you were uncomfortable around me!”

Zayn blinks, and his eyelashes swoop so lovely that Niall kind of just waits it out, looks at Zayn while he processes Niall’s words.

“What do you mean, “all this time”?” he finally asks.

Niall clears his throat. “Um. Well, I guess I realised that night we were babysitting Freddie and fell asleep on the couch?”

Zayn laughs quietly, shakes his head. “And afterwards you thought I was uncomfortable around you? Why?”

“I don’t know, I just felt like you were, like, putting distance between us when I got too close. Or, I dunno. Every time I looked at you, you were already looking, so I thought you’d noticed how much I stared. That kind of thing.”

“And you never thought to think that maybe I was already looking at you all the time anyway because I’ve been gone for you for, like, ever?”

“No,” Niall whines, and then pauses. “What? Forever?”

Zayn blushes dark in the dim light outside of the pub, eyes dropping to his feet again. “I had a crush on you that year we met at camp,” he mumbles. “And it kind of never went completely away. Like, I was fine being your friend most of the time, and you know I’ve dated and I wasn’t faking that either, it’s just...dunno, this is hard to explain and also a bit creepy but I guess through all of that you were still always, like, a possibility in the back of my mind. And now we’ve both been single for, what, over a year? And you kind of started taking over more and more of my mind again.”

“And I never knew?” Niall whispers.

“Dunno how, mate,” Zayn shrugs, half grin lifting up the corner of his mouth. It’s really unfairly attractive. “The others had me figured out ages ago.”

“Christ,” Niall says. “Jesus Christ. Okay. So now that I know…”

“And I know,” Zayn says, shuffling the tiniest bit closer and bumping the toe of his boot against Niall’s lightly. “What shall we do about it?”

Niall laughs. “Dunno, I’ve never done this whole “friends to lovers” thing or whatever you wanna call it before, what d’you reckon we should do? I’ll take you out on a nice date if you want, easy.”

Zayn hums. “That sounds nice. Only, there’s one thing I don’t really wanna wait with until we’ve gone on a date or two.”

Niall bites down on his smile, he knows what’s coming and it’s got him tingling all the way down to his toes. “Yeah?” he says anyway, quietly, and takes another step closer, close enough to feel Zayn’s warmth. “What’s that, then?”

Zayn tips forward and his mouth catches the corner of Niall’s, not quite on centre, before he pulls back again.

“Yeah?” he whispers.

“Yeah,” Niall says and puts a hand on the back of Zayn’s neck, pulling him in this time. Niall closes his eyes when their lips meet, feels Zayn sigh softly against him and smiles at it, wrapping his other arm around Zayn and pulling him as close as he can get, finally.

Zayn goes easily, twists them a little so he’s pressing Niall back against the wall, one hand on his hip and the other at the back of Niall’s head, protecting him from the brick. He’s on his tiptoes now, surely, because he tilts Niall’s head up to kiss him deeper and Niall makes a sound in his throat, run his tongue along the backside of Zayn’s teeth and revels in the giggle he gets for that before Zayn pulls back, very slowly, leaving Niall’s bottom lip last and very reluctantly.

Niall grins when he opens his eyes, and Zayn’s smiling too, tongue peeking out from behind his teeth the way Niall has always loved best.

“What made you do this?” Niall asks. “Like, why did you sing that song tonight, after all this time?”

“Well, Louis made me, to be honest. He basically said I had nothing to lose since things were already awkward anyway and that we needed to talk about it even though we assumed you knew, to a certain extent? If only to clear the air and get it off my chest. He thought it was the only way he could see me moving on, and I got that. And then Harry suggested I could sing something if I didn’t wanna outright say it to your face. And so this happened, like.”

“You know,” Niall says, tugging on the hem of Zayn’s jumper lightly. “I thought you were letting me down when you told me having mutual feelings would be nice.”

Zayn lets out a startled laugh. “How…Niall, I was being so fucking obvious, how did you misunderstand that?”

“I don’t know,” Niall says, laughing a little too. “I was just sort of…looking at everything the wrong way around.”

“So we do have to thank Louis for this,” Zayn says.

“Let’s never tell him.”

“He probably already knows anyway, the bastard,” Zayn grins. “Let’s not give him the satisfaction.”

Niall grins back. “Agreed.” He leans in to nuzzle Zayn’s neck, then pecks his lips a couple of times just because he can.

“Did you think your night was gonna go like this?” he asks and Zayn shakes his head.

“Never would’ve dared to hope, honestly,” he says. They’ve somehow gone to holding hands, both of them, between them, and Zayn starts squeezing Niall’s hands almost absently. “Not saying I didn’t, like, play out scenarios in my head. I’ve made up plenty of them over the years.”

“Any of them outside a pub?” Niall asks, grinning.

“Nah,” Zayn says, shrugging. “This is still better than any fantasy.”

Niall kisses his cheek, feeling a little overwhelmed with everything, and then just wraps his arms around Zayn, who immediately hugs him back. They just stand there for a few minutes in silence, holding onto each other, until the jitters in Niall’s body have calmed down.

“Okay?” Zayn asks eventually, and Niall nods, moves until he rub his chin along Zayn’s collarbone and press a kiss to his neck, slowly moving up along his jaw back to his ear.

“Can’t complain, me,” he says, pulling back again to kiss Zayn’s cheek now. “Got meself a good deal tonight, didn’t I?”

Zayn laughs again, and Niall could sing with how happy it makes him. He didn’t realise how much he’s missed that, too, Zayn’s laugh. “Think we both did alright draw, yeah?”

He kisses him again, and Niall hums in agreement, smoothing a hand up and down Zayn’s arm.

“I mean,” he says, pulling away. “There’s probably still things we should talk about, considering we’re about to do something pretty dangerous. Dating within friend groups is frowned upon for good reasons.”

“It’s also still pretty common,” Zayn says. “Dunno, as long as we call it quits before we have screaming matches and start pulling the lads on one side, I think we’ll be fine.”

“Sorry I made us talk about calling it quits right after we first kissed,” Niall mumbles, bumping his forehead against Zayn’s shoulder when he realises. “I really don’t wanna call it quits.”

“No, it’s fair, we should think about that kinda stuff,” Zayn says, stroking his back. “Like, in an ideal world we’ll be happy with each other forever, but the world isn’t ideal, is it? Doesn’t mean we can’t try.”

“Yeah,” Niall says and lifts his head again. “I really wanna try. I think we have a good chance of beating the odds. You haven’t gotten sick of me in the past eight years, after all.”

“Definitely a good sign,” Zayn grins, and when he turns serious again, he lifts a hand to trace his fingers lightly across Niall’s cheek. “I think we’re gonna be really happy. Doesn’t it always say to date your best friend? We know each other, and we understand each other. Like, I think sometimes you know better what I need than I do.”

“And sometimes I’m really blind to it, still,” Niall chuckles. “But I agree. I think we can make this work really well, we’ve got eight years of practice.”

“Except now we get to kiss.”

“Yeah, except that. Which makes it even better, if you ask me.”

“So much better,” Zayn says, and then his lips are on Niall’s again, warm and perfect and everything he’s forbidden himself to think about for weeks, so Niall sinks into it.

To imagine that Zayn’s been feeling like this for years, even if it wasn’t always that immediate, makes Niall’s heart ache for him, suddenly, and he pulls away.

“We could’ve had so much time already,” he gasps, and Zayn shakes his head, runs a hand through Niall’s hair.

“No, stop. You didn’t feel the same about me, and that’s okay. We were kids back then, imagine if we’d have had to make all of our mistakes with each other. Maybe we would’ve broken up before the five of us even became as close as we are now. Maybe we would’ve ruined all of our friendships along the way. Maybe it would’ve worked out, who knows. We can’t turn back time and we’re here now, and I for one wouldn’t wanna change a thing.”

Zayn’s not always a very talkative guy unless he really cares about something, and that knowledge combined with the surety in Zayn’s voice manages to make Niall relax in Zayn’s arms.

“How are you always saying the right thing?” Niall asks.

“How are you still surprised by it?” Zayn jokes, and Niall does laugh now, feeling comforted.

“Okay, yeah, genius. Shut up and kiss me some more before we go inside to tell our friends the good news.”

Zayn does, but then he pulls back again way too soon, ignoring Niall’s embarrassing whine of protest.

“Hey, did you know there’s like, an ending to the song that I left out cause it didn’t fit?” he says.

“No,” Niall says. “I didn’t know the song. Does it matter? More than kissing?”

“Just,” Zayn laughs, laughing against Niall’s lips and putting a hand against his chest to bring a little distance between them. “It just says, “I found love in the nick of time”, basically. And like, I left it out cause I thought I didn’t, not really.”

Niall smiles. “Turns out you could’ve left it in.”

Zayn finally kisses him again. “Turns out I could’ve.”

Zayn’s right, maybe they weren’t right for each other yet all those years ago. But they’ve grown into pretty decent adults alongside each other, so Niall thinks there’s a good chance they’ll still be able to stand each other in a couple of years. Maybe even forever. There’s always hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an epilogue's gonna happen, i just haven't written it yet. before christmas though, i'll make sure of that. thank you for your kudos and comments, they're what keeps me going! <3


	5. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who took the time to comment, you're the best <3

**Three Months Later**

“Lou, Freddie’s lunch is ready!” Niall calls, pushing the sausage intended for the little boy closer to the edge of the barbecue so it doesn’t burn.

There’s a hand on his hip, and Zayn kisses his cheek a second later. “I’ll take that,” he says, and Niall turns to see his boyfriend holding Freddie, who’s clinging to Zayn’s collar with one hand and waving at Niall excitedly with the other.

“Hi, petal,” Niall says, smiling at Freddie. “You hungry yet?”

“Yes!” Freddie says decidedly and Zayn nudges him a little higher up on his hip, laughing.

“Alright,” Niall grins and hands Zayn a paper plate with the sausage. “Make sure he eats something else too, and that the pieces are cut small enough.”

“I know, babe,” Zayn says, kissing his cheek again. “I’ve done this before.”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Niall says. “Go feed the little rascal.”

He watches as Zayn carries Freddie and his food over to the table where Harry pours some mashed potatoes onto the plate, and as he starts cutting up the sausage and transporting it into Freddie’s mouth by flying the spoon like a helicopter and making the matching noises. It looks and sounds ridiculous but Freddie is delighted by it, and Niall’s too endeared to put it in words.

“Oi, Horan,” Louis shouts, “stop making heart eyes at your boyfriend and burning our meat!”

Niall flips him off but turns back to the barbecue hurriedly anyway. So what if he’s temporarily forgotten to keep an eye on it.

They’re in the little back garden of their building, a communal space that they’ve reserved for a big “family barbecue”, as Harry calls it, now that it’s getting warmer even into the evenings. Harry, Liam, Zayn and Freddie are sitting in a little rectangle at the table, all focusing on Freddie’s food. Eleanor’s sat on Louis’ knee next to them, and Niall has half a mind to tease Louis’ right back about the heart eyes but he’s too happy for them to interrupt whatever conversation they’re having.

Louis’ been bringing her around more and more again lately and Niall kind of really admires how quickly Eleanor has become comfortable around Freddie, considering he’s her boyfriend’s son with another woman. Then again, Niall’s a pretty good judge of character usually and he’s always liked Eleanor. He’s really glad she’s back, actually, not just for Louis but also for himself because he’s missed being her friend. He makes a mental note to ask her if she wants to pick their weekly lunch dates up again, like they did back when they were still in uni.

Niall flips the meat once more before calling out to his friends, “Food’s ready!”

They lunge like wild animals – Eleanor shakes her head fondly and mouthes “boys” at him while she stays back to have an eye in Freddie – and Niall turns of the grill with a grin her way.

He ends up sitting next to Zayn, well, Zayn purposely saves the seat next to his, and Niall drops a kiss to the top of his head before he sits down. Harry awws at them and Louis glares a little, says, “Don’t encourage them.”

“Mate,” Liam says, “you honestly can’t say anything these days.” He gestures towards the hand Louis has on El’s thigh and she laughs, patting it as Louis grumbles something.

“The food is delicious,” Harry says and it works as a distraction, everyone nodding enthusiastically.

“What a team we are,” Niall cheers quietly and Zayn laughs, high fiving him when Niall holds his hand out with a grin.

“Yeah, we did that quite well, like.” Zayn’s marinated the chicken, using one of his mum’s recipes that he’s gotten quite good at, and Niall’s once again proven he’s great with a barbecue, and their teamwork turned out perfectly.

Things in general have turned out pretty well, Niall thinks. Sure, not everything’s perfect and the transition from friends to a couple hasn’t been a smooth ride all the time, but it hasn’t been too rocky either and they’ve done it together, all of it, and Niall’s never felt so sure of a relationship this early on. And now that they’ve firmly arrived in relationship territory, things are going great.

He listens to Harry tell a long winded story and watches Zayn’s face from the side, the fond exasperation on it while he waits for Harry to get to the point, and feels so full of love suddenly he wants to burst with it.

Instead, he just places a hand on Zayn’s thigh and squeezes lightly, answering Zayn’s smile when he turns to look at him. Zayn tilts his head the slightest bit, smile going soft, drops his hand on top of Niall’s, warm and familiar, and intertwines their fingers.

Niall’s not sure how he got lucky enough to get to this point. But he’s sure gonna enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realise this ending doesn't fit with the actual season lol, happy holidays! :)


End file.
